By Paul Michael
What if we suddenly stopped celebrating every single birthday in our lives, and instead concentrated on just the important ones? Would you care? Would you support it? I’ll tell you one thing…we’d all save a bunch of money.
The idea comes from one of my favorite comedians, Patton Oswalt. If you don’t know the name, you’ll certainly know the voice; he played Remy in Ratatouille. He was also Spence Olchrin in The King Of Queens, and he’s an exceptional comedian.
On his CD Werewolves And Lollipops he outlines a plan to stop the celebration of most birthdays, saying that there’s nothing special about most of them. And, he’s right. What’s so special about hitting 36 (my next birthday)? Or 42? Or even 14? They’re not landmark dates in your existence. They’re just another year.
The full list is printed below, and you can also listen to Patton (be warned, Patton uses language that is NSFW).
Birthdays you can and cannot celebrate.
1 thru 9 — YES. You’re a little kid, and kids should get to celebrate birthdays.
10 — YES. You’ve entered the double digits. Something different has happened, you get a birthday.
11-12 — NO. Nothing special about those years.
13 — YES. Now you’re a teenager, and that’s worth celebrating.
14-15 — NO. Again, nothing special here.
16 — YES. The laws have changed. Now you can drive, that’s worth celebrating.
17 — NO. What’s special about being 17? Exactly.
18 — YES. Awesome birthday. You can vote and own a gun. This is all worth celebrating (and if you’re in other countries including England, you can drink alcohol). Now that is worth a party.
19 — YES. It’s your last year as a teenager.
20 — YES. You’ve entered your twenties.
21 — YES. Awesome birthday, you’re as adult as you can get. Hit the bars.
And then…only one birthday every 10 years (30, 40, 50, 60 and so on) until you hit 90. After 90, you get a birthday every year because one law no longer applies …