The Obligations of Wealth
Connie writes in (I edited her question a bit to protect privacy):
I recently married a business owner who had a net worth of around $10 million before we got married. He has lived in the same medium-sized town all of his life and has kept many of the same friends since his school years. Lately, though, he has noticed that a lot of them seem resentful of him. I asked a few of my friends about this and they said that the feeling in the community was that he was being wasteful and ungiving with his money. I don’t feel that’s the case at all. He gives substantially to our church and to several charities. It is hurting him to watch some of his friendships fall apart because of this greed. Do you have any thoughts about this?
I certainly do.
First of all, I think there is some inherent distrust of the rich in the mainstream of American society. People assume that if you have accumulated money, then you are either using it in some unworthy way or you’re a miser, both of which are negative stereotypes. Many wealthy people solve this by either being extremely public with their giving (Andrew Carnegie, Bill Gates, people who donate to universities to get their name on the door), being extremely quiet about their wealth (John Madden, for example), or just not caring what other people think (every ostentatious display of wealth you can imagine).
A big part of that is that for many people, having $10 million is an enviable position to be in. There is, flat out, going to be a lot of envy of your position. People imagine all of the things they could do with that kind of wealth – both selfish and charitable – and they feel some sort of resentment towards others who don’t do the same (even if, often, it’s not what they would actually do with their wealth). “This person doesn’t share my values,” they think, or they feel simple jealousy.
Obviously, at some point, your husband has done something to not conceal his wealth. Maybe you live in a very high-end house. Maybe you drive expensive cars. Whatever it was, it made clear to your friends that you had significant money. Because of that, what you’re now seeing is a mixture of envy and jealousy and opinions on what your husband is doing.
Yes, it’s not nice. But at the same time, it’s human nature. No one is immune to jealousy or envy. Your husband’s success has made him a target for this.
Another thing to consider: has money changed your husband from the kind of person that he used to be? It could very well be that the wealth in ...
